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4/03/2004

The digitaldownpour Guide to Popularity (Patent Pending) 

Since this blog is becoming quite popular on the Coms Studies circuit (see the counter on the bottom lefthand side of the page), I believe it is up to Mira and I to help the kids out with what to think and say to they can be popular at parties. So here, in no particular order, is a comprehensive guide to making friends in Communications, and keeping them.

1. You don't win friends with satire. Nobody likes somebody who makes fun of them. Do you really think that the people who work at the copyrighting office appreciated Kembrew McLeod wasting their time with his conceited little prank? No way. And there is no doubt in my mind that his "Cease and Desist" letter to the AT&T corporation for using his trademarked phrase "freedom of expression" didn't go over too well with them. Kembrew McLeod has made plenty of enemies with his satire of Intellectual Property Law. He's obviously not changing the world, and you just know that if he brought this up at a party everyone would find him ridiculous. Which reminds me:

2. Nobody likes a lefty. If you have opposition to corporate media ownership, forget about it. Who do you think is going to pay the bills when you graduate? The Guerilla News Network? Adbusters? No sir. The Big Six.That's who. Everyone else in Communications knows and accepts this, and they aren't going to like you if you tell them you plan on being an "Independent Media Maker". They will laugh at you, then not give you their telephone number for fear of being asked to fund one of your "Social Commentaries". Don't even get me started on pointless small scale culture jamming.

3. If Apple makes it, you need it. There is no better way to make friends with Coms students than by purchasing the latest and greatest in techie gear! When you see them ooh and ahh in admiration over your brand new powerbook, you'll know you've just made friends for life. Oh, and just to point out the obvious:

4. Never insult Apple products in the vicinity of a Communications student. Unless you enjoy not getting invited to parties, of course. The company can do no wrong, and the sooner you realize this, the happier you'll be.

5. Try to use the following words in everyday conversation: Hegemony, Popular Discourse, Postmodern, Bricolage, Hypertext Markup Language, Analog, Digital, Aura. Don't worry about using them in an appropriate manner right off the bat. Coms students will appreciate the fact that you know these words, and will invite you over for dinner and a documentary.

6. Don't be afraid to be a name dropper. Steve Wozniak, Steve Jobs, John Oswald, Marshall McLuhan, William Gibson, Ezra Winton, Peter Van Wyck, Charles Babbage and Ada Lovelace are all great convo starters at a Coms party! Give them a go.

Well, there you have it. Six easy steps to being the most popular kid in Communications Studies. Try them out, I'm almost 100% positive that you will be completely satisfied with the results.

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